Convalescence by Maisie Kitton.
After Blaez returns to Guadalupe, Felan is left reeling.
Plagued by nightmares and panic attacks, he can’t stop thinking about his past; the endless abuse he suffered, the homeless man he killed, and all of the death and destruction he was complacent to. A long story short, Felan just wants to disappear.
After all, it would be better for everyone if he did. He was dangerous to be around, and he most definitely shouldn’t be allowed around young children – but as Felan gets to know Mrs Walters and the kids, he truly begins to understand exactly what he would be leaving behind.
Dark thoughts follow him daily, and he’s afraid they’ll win.
He wants to get better – he does – but waiting for the past to return is so much easier than striding forward into an unknown future.